A Man's Wounded Resistance to Taking Advice from His Partner
One area where men in relationships can go wrong over and over again is their in ability to take advice form their partners.
When this happens it is often coming from a rigid, defensive masculine pride. One which does not want to be seen as ‘weak’ for not having all the answers. It comes form a place of power, wanting to control, and ultimately insecurity.
Such men are operating from a wounded space. It’s their defiant adolescent self putting up resistance towards the (projected) mother figure, as he furiously and self-righteously attempts to break free of her nurturing, and often over-bearing presence.
For the man who has not healed his mother-wound, it is all to common for him to project his mother onto his partners, and thereby put up all resistance to any form of advice or feedback she gives.
This is highly detrimental, as it is not only disrespectful, but it damages trust. (For more on what builds trust, read my article here). His partner will find it difficult to trust him when it’s very apparent that his ego and his need to be ‘right’ and/ or self-sufficient blind him to what might very well be the right choice of action in that case. She can’t trust that he sees problems, but also that he’s open enough to taking advice form others. Good leaders listen to the advice of others.
Beyond that, it is a necessity for developing responsibility as a man to be discerning as to what is the most appropriate course of action in any given moment - regardless whether you yourself have devised that course of action.
The man who has resistance to his partner’s advice may well do so because he believes he would then give up responsibility and be emasculated. In his adolescent grasp for autonomy, he believes he has to demonstrate responsibility through self-reliance.
But hear me, the most responsible thing he can do (which thereby builds trust), is to take in suggestions and then decide for himself. Such a man, will gladly listen with full presence to another’s perspective and then it weigh up against his own proposals.
If he can demonstrate doing so, then he builds trust despite whichever course of action he decides to follow. What is key is that he shows he has the ability to put aside his ego, to listen and to entertain another’s advice seriously, before taking action of his own volition.
And the thing is, often in partnership a women has an intuitive wisdom on matters that a man does not have full access to. Now, this isn’t to say women are inherently right on all matters. No, to believe so would be equally foolish. But again, partnerships are about supporting each other through the sharing of strengths, and in certain circumstances, a man will have to cultivate his own intuition to discern when she’s is seeing more clearly with her feeling-wisdom.
Sincerely,
Fred
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