As a man suffering from "nice guy syndrome," you may have come across the fact that this behavior strategy for getting your needs met comes from an inherent shame around one's self: you experience a chronic lack of self-worth which has you seeking out external validation left, right and center.
And from there, of course, the solution seems simple: cultivate self-worth. Yet, in my experience, that isn't so easy to create. It comes from action.
Taking Action
Taking action aligned with your vision, values, and purpose will create self-respect. Unlike women who probably focus on self-love, a man will thrive best when he respects himself - not necessarily "loving" himself. And men can only respect themselves when they are taking action - consistently.
Results vs. Action
Not all of those actions need to produce results. Often, it is the mere acting itself that generates the self-respect that converts into self-worth. We are all bound to failure at some point, but so long as we're trying in our best vein while aligned with what is important to us, we are moving towards our goals.
The Success Mindset
I am a proponent of having a success/abundance mindset as a foundation for self-development and cultivating the self-worth to overcome the nice-guy persona. This mindset will come about from witnessing ourselves take action. Robert Glover talks about this. I see it as a cycle: action → feeling → mindset (→ ability/courage to act → reaffirms positive feelings → further cements mindset of empowerment).
Aligning with Purpose
One of the most important aspects of cultivating self-worth is aligning with purpose. Purpose is the driving force behind our lives. When we are aligned with our purpose, we are more likely to take action and follow through. Purpose can be found in various areas of our lives, whether it be in our careers, hobbies, or relationships. The key is to identify what is important to us and what we are passionate about.
Overcoming Self-Doubt
Self-doubt is the enemy of self-worth. It often arises from fear and can prevent us from taking action and pursuing our goals. The key to overcoming self-doubt is to identify the underlying fear and to take action despite it. This can be challenging, but it is essential to cultivate self-worth.
The Importance of Failure
Failure is an inevitable part of life. However, it is important to remember that failure is not the opposite of success; it is part of the journey towards success. When we experience failure, we have the opportunity to learn and grow from our mistakes. This growth mindset is essential to cultivating self-worth.
In short, as a man understanding it's perfectly fine for you to at times doubt yourself and struggle with self-worth. And cultivating it is not an easy task, but it is an important one. If it wasn't made clear, understand that you have to take action before you can start feeling good. If you wait until you feel 'worthy' or 'good' enough, you'll never star and thereby never prove your true worthiness.
By taking consistent action despite fear of failure, aligning with purpose, and embracing failure as a part of the process, you can develop the self-respect necessary to thrive as a man. As cringe and as redundant as it might be to say, but it does indeed hang on your ability to leave your comfort zone
Sincerely,
Fred
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