It’s a sad shame that most men do not realize that orgasm and ejaculation are 2 separate things. Yet, one with the help of articles like this, is being corrected.
Now why is it important to know such a thing? Well, ultimately it will transform your sex life and bring you more joy (to yourself and your partner(s)). Not only that, but you will harness a power and energy that’ll transform every aspect of your life.
This knowledge is slowly making traction though. People are clocking onto the fact that there is in fact a profound power in semen retention (check out my unlisted youtube playlist to learn more).
Yet it doesn’t stop there. In fact, learning to retain your semen is just a first step in a wonderful journey towards becoming multi-orgasmic. Here I outline the 4 steps in this journey - which, when committed to as a consistent lifestyle, can become a backbone to one’s spiritual life.
1) Semen Retention
Effectively this is going without ejaculating for a given period. This can be from a few days to a few weeks, to potentially a few months. One can simply practice this by refraining from sex or masturbation for the intended period. Biologically I believe it’s incredibly difficult to pass the 3 month / 100 day mark, because eventually the body will give in to the release either via a wet dream or during sex / solo-sex.
The fundamental understanding around this practice is that one’s semen/ ejaculate is one’s life-force. The longer you hold onto it the grater the cultivation of sexual energy and life-force. I know it sounds esoteric, but the ancients knew this, modern greats practiced it, and all I can say is: don’t knock it before you try it!
Why this is important? Well, constant regular ejaculation depletes a man of his sexual energy; it lengthens the refractory period between being able to have / be interested in sex; contributes to low libido; makes sex short lasting; creates prolonged hormonal disbalances; depletes energy levels and motivation; and weakens one’s presence (the ability to hold undivided, nonjudgemental attention).
2) Ejaculation Control
Having practiced semen retention and having cultivated sexual energy one can practice ejaculation control. This can actually be done while retaining (and I recommend this if wanting to engage in sexual activity whilst retaining). Effectively this is the practice of ‘edging’. Edging is where one learns to approach something call ‘the point of no return’ (PONR) and then cool off for a moment, before starting again.
The PONR is the point in one’s arousal level where one can no longer stop ejaculation from happening. In most men this is around the 85%-90% arousal level. This is literally a second or two from ejaculation. Yet, by arousing oneself - during sex or whilst masturbating - to around the 70%-80% level, and then backing off and letting the nervous-system relax through a variety of techniques (most effectively through certain types of breathing), one begins to get more accustomed to these high states of arousal and knows how to back of before ejaculation happens.
This takes dedication and patience to practice, whilst also needing a very subtle sensitivity to one’s own bodily functions. That is: incredible presence with one’s body. For me this is one of the deepest embodiment practices a man can undertake. After a few weeks, months, maybe years, gradually the nervous system and one’s bodily-awareness becomes trained to control the ejaculation reflex. One will become familiar with the bodily sensations which occur at very high arousal states, and will have develop the awareness and control to back off when things are getting too heated (literally)!
And if one’s acquires the level of somatic control and nervous system regulation to hold of the strongest of biological impulses, it can only set them up well for a multitude of life’s situation which require sensitivity and control.
Yet, the practice is a minefield. There are several sabotaging factors which make the practice harder, most of which are lifestyle habits which promote reactivity (which one wants to avoid here). Check out my article here to know what to avoid whilst partaking in this practice.
3) Non-Ejaculatory Orgasms (NEOs)
So after learning to cultivate sexual energy through semen retention, feel the benefits that alone has, and then learning to have control over the ejaculation reflex, one can move onto the separation of orgasm and ejaculation. Yes, as mentioned at the beginning, this is indeed possible, yet most men do not know this or do not want to believe it without trying.
This is perhaps the hardest phase and probably takes a minimum of a few months to develop, but realistically a year or two of dedicated practice and a lot of accidents! Nevertheless, it is worth it! By separating orgasm from ejaculation, one can experience an orgasm without the depletion of sexual energy, the refractory period and all the negative side effects listed above.
Orgasm without ejaculation is referred to as a full-body orgasm or an energy orgasm. These last much longer than ejaculatory orgasm, typically from a few minutes to around 40 minutes if one practices circulating the orgasmic energy; and, they are much more pleasurable!
One of the greatest things about NEOs is also that there is little to no refractory period and one can go again pretty soon after. Thus one becomes ‘multi-orgasmic’ like a woman. On a spiritual level, these orgasms can induce a change in the state of one’s consciousness - from experience a bliss state, to even having an ego-death and spiritual realization.
The method for acquiring this skill varies from where you learn, but unlike the teachings in Mantak Chia’s popular book, ‘The Multiorgasmic Man’, accounts across the internet point to relaxation methods being the most successful. These methods train the body to actually relax fully at the moment of orgasm, thereby bypassing the usually automatic contractions of the pelvic floor muscles which initiate ejaculation. This approach is in fact much more like how a woman orgasm by surrendering fully to the build up of sexual energy.
Now, there are a number of factors and practices which can help support developing this ability, but one crucial element which often gets over-looked is the capacity to feel one’s emotions fully within the body. This is something most men have a hard time with, as they have unconsciously learnt patterns of suppressing and avoiding feelings due to millennia of social and environmental conditioning.
4) NEO with a Partner
Often men will learn NEOs through a solo-self pleasure practice (nice phrasing for masturbation!). Why? Because the sensitivity and control necessary is very challenging to begin with, esp. when most men have been conditioned to hastily chase after the pleasure of sexual arousal and ejaculate as soon as possible without savoring the pleasure.
When practicing alone, one can take the time to tune in to oneself without the distraction of a partner or having to focus on pleasuring them. That is why the 4th and finally step in unlocking one’s full orgasmic potential is then learning to be able to have NEOs whilst being with a partner. As said, there’s a lot more going on during sexual intercourse with another person, and one’s awareness needs to be both deeply within oneself, yet also with their partner and their arousal level.
Here breathing practices certainly help. Yet, the point here is that NEOs with a partner will become easy once the skill has been consistently established with oneself lone. Now, just image all of the above with a partner?! As many prolonged orgasms of a higher intensity as your nervous system can handle, without any worry of finishing too soon and not satisfying your partner!
Now to really nail this down it certainly helps to have a partner who is patient with the pace of sex needed to sustain control; who is convinced by the benefits of the practice; with whom you can be very vulnerable with; and who is embodied themselves and can sense your level of arousal as much as you do your own and hers.
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